always careful

store up for a while
what things you might need
no more, you see.
it shouldn't be too long
so just the staples
in case something goes wrong
we've lived with the sins
they come again
 we thought we were safe.
in and out of haunted woods,
at best- it's my imagination.. 
red is the dial
     it's denial
the always wrong inside a wrong
                 inside a wrong-- forgetting all the rights.
just point them out
and pass them by
and hold, still, your head high.

miracle.

you know how you think it'll never happen to you.

one tiny mistake made by either them or you.
and tick tick tick.
the last few seconds of your life count down.
that's what walking this thin line means, that's what living this life means.
and they say, "is it really worth it?" and i say, "is that really relevant?"
when the worth of my life is counted up in fifteen dollar increments... its hard to remember whats worth what, in the real world.
there's no way for me to say it, when why would you believe a word of it, anyway.
there's nothing left i can say.
one person tells me they love me. they don't think anything less of me, they know i'm better than this. and another tells me they just don't think it's going to be enough. and if i pull through it'll be a miracle. everything anyone says hurts.
they land on my shoulders and and it's just another weight to carry.
everyone's just waiting. and watching. counting on the second when it's all just too heavy.
and tick tick tick
the last few seconds of my life count down.
and nothing hurts worse than that.
my hearts never felt so broken.

there's no way to show you how i feel
there's just
no way
i can make you understand. that i feel it, where i've never felt it before.
just wait. and watch.
but there's nothing else
for me to say.
you'd never believe a word of it, anyway.

I love you, please,

I can't sleep. I can't sleep. I can't sleep.
It's probably all the colorful little concerns flashing in front of my eyes
as soon as I close them.
Is there something to this world but words?

I'm drowning in the carbon dioxide that I exhale.
I'm killing myself by living.
You'll never know why I live this way.
Day. By. Day.

Is there something to this world but words?
The words you say, or I hear. That I write, and you read.
I could easily steal... pluck them from any bit of literature I find fits.
Plagiarise.
I didn't, but I could have. I'm just saying.
Doesn't it make you wonder? Dissect the anatomy of ideas and.
Just wonder.
Words are. Powerful.

Ugly. Weak.
The two edged sword of life.
Why doesn't anyone else have to breathe to breathe to breathe
just to exhale. It feels a lot like.
well.
Would you even care if I told you.

I'm not done here. I just want you to know.
I'm thinking about you, when I'm crying about me.
Even when we're laughing together and my hair is out of place and you say it.
And for just a second we put on our masks and we convince
even ourselves.
That every heart beat of life, isn't just digging us deeper.

I need, deeply
to hide.
Will I drown?
is this really how it's supposed to be.

By the way. I love you more.
So much more
than you'll ever know.